Beastie Boys’ Check Your Head

I’m always looking for new music to listen really. Sometimes you are fed up with everything that’s on the radio or in my case; I don’t do radio music. I want to control what I listen to. I’ve been feeling out of touch with music. It’s not that I don’t listen to any music, but I feel like I’m just listening and not exploring anymore.

Coming to this realisation I don’t have to find new music per se. Sometimes it’s brilliant to re-find some music you have listened to in the past. I re-found a music album I’ve listened to with great pleasure: Beastie Boys’ Check Your Head.
Beastie Boys
First of all, I just want to tell you all that I’m a fan of hiphop. But I mean not that shite that’s being made right now mate. It’s a disgrace to hear the music some selfproclaimed hiphop artist make. Nah, I’m not having it.
Hiphop for me has to be with instruments. A good drum. A decent guitar. That’s what it ‘s all about. That’s is music and I think everyone can appreciate music in it’s purest form. If there isn’t any instruments, you might as well tell poems.

Beastie Boys eh? It’s not exactly my time. Well their time was before my time, d’ya know what I mean? I love them. I first listened to them in Social studies class and I will never forget that. Listening to it with a mate, each having one earphone in and jamming to the beat. I also won’t forget it, as I was removed for the class for some reasons haha.
But from then on I was really gone, because I couldn’t stop listening really and I was really intrigued by the Beastie Boys. I still am.

For those who have no clue who they are:
Beastie Boys was formed in 1980 and was first formed as Punkrock band. Later they transformed into the Hip Hop scene, where the were a new face. They were the first all white hip hop group out there and did change the whole scene. They got bigger when Madonna chose them to perform as her supporting act.

Check Your HeadThis album is just on another level to be honest. I don’t know exactly how put my words, but this album is not completely hip hop. It’s so much more, there are loads of different music styles on it. It’s a piece of Art. No really. It’s so different, when I listen to it, I just feel the artists at work. Doing something that hadn’t been done before and something people will remember for the rest of their lives.
It’s such a good mix of rock, hip hop, punk and pop. IT’S AMAZING MATES.

Listening to this album always makes me feel more creative, innovative, passionate, inspired and motivated. I’m listening to it again and a lot of ideas for my novel are popping up, but also some new directions I might want to try for my blog. I love it when music elevates you to higher heights.

I recommend this. Listen it. Now. It will absolutely blow your music minds, especially if you are into Hip Hop.


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Wednesday Thoughts

I’m currently sitting at a desk. I have been staring at my screen for over 20 minutes now and I’m listening to The Street’s song Let’s Push Things Forward. I feel as unproductive as ever, yet I have done quite a few things already today. I even had a meeting in Germany in German. I’m thinking about a year back, when I was one happy soul. But now mates, I feel like I’m stuck.
Like I’ve said in my previous post, I’m sad. Like proper sad. Not like a dropped my taco and now I can’t have all the deliciousness sad. No really sad. All the time. Getting up in the morning sad, going to bad sad. I’m sad writing this and I feel like it’s getting worse with the days.

I’m sorry for everyone who came here to read about my clothingstyles, football or novel stories. They are less frequent at the moment and for that I’m sorry. I feel like I’m more a mental health blogger at the moment, but only explaining my feelings and not giving you any goals with it. It’s this fact that makes me really sad and frustrated to be honest.

Everyone has been very kind and lovely to me. From my sister, to my friends and to my internetfriends – especially Sophie. go check out her blog right here! – , you are the best! But when I’m encouraged to be more positive and are actually feeling better for the moment, the moment it’s away, the contrast is so much bigger.

I’m feeling the anxieties everyday now and I didn’t know what to do. There’s only one thing that seems to relieve it a bit and that’s writing about it. That’s why I’m writing this blogpost about my mental health again. It’s the only thing I can write about at the moment, because I can’t find the big motivation or inspiration to come up with the posts I want to. I look at my unfinished blogposts. There are 18 of them. It’s just not working at the moment.

I feel like I haven’t been true to myself and ignoring the signals of my sadness. I’ve been frustrated with not getting forward with my novel, my other book, my blog and my fitness. I’m quite stressed as it is already and yesterday I had a falling out with my father, which made me furious. I was literally shaking from angers and afterwards my anxieties kicked in as a bomb.

But the thing that excites me the most and has got me through numerous times, actually the two things are Football and Music. Not necessarily in that other, but those two things have got me through for a long time. The football has ended and will not really start for the foreseeable future. I love going to stadiums, grounds and clubs. That’s something what will make me happy, for that 90 minutes enjoying the football, taking in the culture, the languages, the passion, the desire, the accents and just plain emotions. That’s where I feel at home. I miss that.

It’s the same with music really. I love music, a good concert or festival. It’s literally life to me. The last one I went to, was with my sister.  I thought it would be a good idea to go to a festival with my mates last weekend. I did have fun and did enjoy it with my friends. Here’s a photo of us goofy bunch (Full post coming later on):

Everything was fine then, but the people at the festival made me more and more anxious. Causing me to have less fun and take the anxieties take over. I didn’t enjoy it anymore, but I didn’t want to be the party pooper, so I just pretended everything was fine. In the end this was the worst thing I could do. I was sat in a corner, teary eyes and examining my glass of cola. Oh imagine that eh?

The realisation that my two greatest passions weren’t there or couldn’t make me happy, that really made me sad. Now you know a bit more about my mind and my mood I guess. I just wanted to write this down.

A few things I do look forward too though:
– Holiday with the lads in Krakow
– Getting my ordered goods from That Lame Company (by one of my favourite bloggers, Chloe)
– Football season

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Thanks again friends for taking the time to read this, I hope you are all well. Remember: ‘What’s past, is prologue’.

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The Power of Will Grigg

This friday feels about grey doesn’t it? I mean this is not ideal, or at least in my opinion. Obviously I’m talking about Brexit, but perhaps even more about the dividing spirit that has not only taking over households, schools, workplaces and society in Britain. It has spread to the continent and I personally think we should think about unifying thought as well.

So here’s my little corner of the internet, talking a bit about EURO2016 and the togetherness of Will Grigg. 

To be honest, I followed Wigan Athletic I bit more closely this because of one person and it’s not who you think it is. It was Yanic Wildschut who has previously played for my hometown club VVV-Venlo. As I embarked on this journey to the title in League One, I realised that Will Grigg was playing very well, mate he was on fire. (Nice little reference there)  I really enjoyed watching him play and I’ve mentioned it a few times, but no one really took notice. I do understand that because, well let’s admit it. I’m really a nutjob to be honest, I like the most weird players and not necessarily because of their star quality.

When I first saw the video, I thought wow what in the world is this. Like, mate are you fucking about? But when I heard it in the stands, well I talk a lot about scenes or absolute scenes. But this was just. No words. Not going to lie, I’m easily excited by supporters chants and actions. But goosebumps! My hair were up like a mad thing.

The video was shared all over social media and everyone heard about the chant about Will Grigg. In no time people all over Britain and Europe were aware about this song written in folklore. I was really a very annoying person. Pushing everyone to see this video. I mean EVERYONE MATE. It was getting out of hand to be honest and I thought it would die as quickly as it had emerged. I couldn’t be more wrong.

On the 28th of May, Will Grigg scored his first goal for Northern-Ireland and the hype now really started. It became global. The Northern-Irish fans were becoming more and more famous because of it. Will Grigg has become the symbol of a nation, a national treasure and the chant becomes the Northern-Irish anthem.

There was made a song who entered the top-10 in no time in the UK. Everyone was partying to that the song and the Euros hadn’t even started. I don’t even know what the official anthem of the euros is to be honest. But I know this.

Not only Northern Ireland sings this song, everyone does sing this song. In the stadiums, in the fanzones, in bars, in pubs, in France, In England. Everywhere you go, everywhere you find football fans, you hear this song. It’s so catchy and does bring people together. If that song sets in, everyone drops his or hers rivalry and just starts to party. Only positive vibes and that’s what I’ve cherished so much throughout the tournament.

Will Grigg’s the most talked about player on the tournament, the most sung about, the player everyone wants to see. But he hasn’t played a minute. I love the fact all Europe can unite over a simple little chant and over a player who is in all honesty no Golden boot contender. It gives me hope for this time. This time of hatred and scaremongering in the world. It gives me hope that we will get through.

Hope you are all wel and remember; Will Grigg’s on fire!



Feelings are a strange thing to be honest. How does one define feeling something? How severe does a hunch have to be, to be considered a feeling. Why do emotions lead to feelings and feelings lead to emotion.

These are a few of the things I have asked myself over the last 24 hours. Crawling in my bed, not able to go to sleep. Watching the Copa America with tears in my eyes about something I couldn’t comprehend.

I feel really alone and sad.
Reading other people’s blog can be a very mindopening thing. I like to read different kind of blogs and I what I personally like to see in a blog is the brutal honesty of the writer. Of course when dealing with blogs, it’s only natural the writer picks out what he or she wants the reader to know about themselves. But what I find very courageous and admirable is the fact that some bloggers also share the not so glamorous things about their lives. That in itself is a form of art to me.

Yesterday I read a personal blogpost by one my favourite bloggers and people who I do follow on twitter: Chloe from Mojichlo. You can find the blogpost here. It did really touch me, deeply. Not only her story, but also the fact that it was in a lot of way so similar to me. It made me realise a few things.

Being destructive was the post called and it was so on point, it made me actually cry. I don’t know what it was, but I think that I haven’t been true to myself for a very long time now. I’m being destructive in my relationships with phases of being extremely happy, but as soon as this is getting longer and longer, I seem to hit the selfdestruct button. I become less happy and most of all, I shut people out of my thoughts. Which is kind of weird, because I’m a very open person to talk to.

Nature is often hidden, sometimes overcome, but seldom extinguished

That is a quote I found very useful and speaks the absolute truth for me at the moment. I have been living another emotion for a long time. Neglecting my feelings with football. I’m really passionate about football and what I say about it, is absolutely genuine. But it doesn’t hide the fact in the end, that I am lonely and sad.

Also a very important thing for me is the fact that I can help people or make people laugh. Not to be cocky or anything, but those are things that people always say I do. Last night I was talking to a friend and somehow I got the idea that I upset that person, which reconfirmed the feeling that I couldn’t help people or make them smile. Which left me very sad. It kept me up all night thinking about it. Being sad. Having tears.

It was very important to me that I found out this whole ‘operation’ and I’m very grateful to Chloe for sharing her own personal story, educating me and help me find my own self. Exposing myself to me and realising I do destruct too. I’m sad, yes. But it’s hopefully a good step to work on myself.

So if you see emotional tweets and very enthusiast football tweets, you know what is going on. Bear with me friends.



The Tears of Roy Keane

Oh mates, I had a really BAD anxiety day yesterday. But somehow during football, it all faded away somehow and let me tell you. Yesterday was a brilliant day for lover of footballculture. Where to start? The tears of our most beloved molestor beard coach? Ireland singing and getting through? The passion of Conte? Deflection mania with miss bumbum? Kiraly doing his bits? IT WAS ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC!

Hungary – Portugal (3-3)This game was absolutely sick. 6 goals. 1-1 at HT. 3-3 at FT. Both teams through to the last 16. It had so much this game. MISS BUMBUM (Ronaldo) did score 2 class goals, threw a tantrum and became the first players to score in 4 consecutive euros. Well done.
Fair enough Portugal, you owe it to your nation to get through. I’m not joking, you have some great quality players. BUT the real deal of this game GERA and DEFLECTIONS. Zoltan Gera is 37 years old and it’s the kind of player that fills my heart with joy. I saw him in touching distance when I visited Fulham at Craven Cottage and I’ve had a weak spot for the man. It’s good that the lad wasn’t in my area yesterday, because after his ABSOLUTE BELTER there were scenes. Hell, I would probably asked him to marry me or father our children or something like that. Quality lad, Quality strike, magnificent.
Dzsudzsak – I honestly had to google this one – scored with two massive deflections. And there’s nothing better than scoring with a deflection. Well of course there is, but a goal is a goal. Perhaps the most beautiful thing about a deflection is the sight of wandering faces of the opponent. Blaming each other, blaming the keeper. It’s even worse than an own goal to be honest. I really felt like Portugal deserved that. Not going to lie.

Iceland – Austria (2-1)Iceland. Approx. 10% of their population is in France right now. Can you even imagine how intense that is? Iceland was in our group, they battered us twice mate. They not only went to the euros to take part. They haven’t lost yet! drew against portugal, drew against hungary and actually won against Austria. Unbelievable tournament tekkers for the icelanders. Perhaps the most cult thing about them – besides all looking like Thor or Björn from Vikings – is the fact that every player’s surname ends with ‘SON’ (bar Gudjohnsen).
Austria has been the let down of the tournament for me. Such a good qualification, quality players. Arnoutovic trying to be zlatan junior or something down that line. Alaba and Fuchs, great quality players and the only thing that they seem to do, is being fucking BOTTLEJOBS. Nah, I don’t rat them mate.
Here is a clip from the most exciting commentary I’ve heard in a while:

Sweden – Belgium (0-1)
Well this game pissed me off. To be honest Zlatan is obviously cult for different reasons, but other than him and perhaps Kallstrom. This is a very poor side and I can’t believe the bloody Belgians – who have proclaimed themselves the new Khaleesi – had so many struggles to overcome them. So it pissed me off, because well I hate the belgian coverage in the Netherland. Honestly mate, wtf is your problem. If you don’t qualify, own it and do not get into these shenanigans. ‘Well they speek the same language’. Oh fuck off.
If I only see the hair of the belgians, mate I’m going to be infertile for the rest of my life ffs.

Italy – Ireland (0-1)This was always going to be my game of the day. Ireland everything to play for and both teams are basically just cult. They define cult, they give it a new meaning in my opinion. But I’m definitely with BBC. No not that bloody bale, benzema, cristiano ronaldo. No the real gents pal; Barzagli, Bonucci and Chiellini. WHAT A PLAYERS. Such grace, but also hard defending. Passion, fire and desire. Everything for their country, singing the fratelli d’italia proudly. Just great innit? Did you know Chiellini has a masters degree in Economics? He is Dottore Chiellini, how awesome does that sound?! I want to be called Dottore!
The story of Ireland mate. The anthem is lovely. As is Italy’s by the way! That whole team and Brady & Hoolahan. LEVELS MATE, LEVELS. I knew they were going to do bits for the squad and they absolutely delivered. The goal was from a beauty you would only find near a pot of gold. This was brilliant. No bad feelings toward Italy, but this is just great. 4/4 home nations to make the last 16? FAMMMM.

The most brilliant thing I saw was Martin Oneill jumping in the sky as he was just a young lad. On the background the fields of athenry was being sung by the faithful and after the last whistle, we all witnessed something majestic, didn’t we? We saw 24/7 no nonsense, I will grab your nuts, hard man, tough guy – Roy Keane being very emotional and hugging Martin. Keane in tears. Martin obviously very emotional too. AND THEN I HAD THE TEARS. Buffo came to congratulate them, hugging them, showing them respect and genuine congratulations. Nah, mate I was done. 



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