Buggering on.

I really feel shit. I’m so sad and anxious. Life seems so tough and the only thing I truly want is to be in bed, my head covered in the duvet and watch Netflix. I’m not able to confront the world without crying tears that could fill the oceans. The only thing I’m rather okay at, is writing. So here’s a little poem, I have no idea if it makes sense. Probably not. Probably shite. But here it is:

A drop in the ocean
A grain of sand in the sahara
A little leaf in the blowing wind
A sesame seed in a bowl

To accept a new member in life
Is often difficult and optional
But this monster, this villain, this devil
I have not chosen for this darkness to reside in me

The urge to fight this problem of the brain
Is one of the first things that came to mind
But this Hades of me knows exactly how I proceed
Whilst I fight in despair, he grows his eternal flame

Fighting it with my all, 
Thinking I’ve won and I am relaxed
Monster pierces my skin
Delivering the illnesses of Anxiety, Depression and OCD into my world

Introducing to me the world of sadness, sorrow and being lonely
Making me afraid and anxious of all things breathing
Restricting my confidence, avoiding me from being happy
My identity and life has been taken, who am I?

All of a sudden, I’m transferred to another world
I feel lonely in a room full of my family
I want to be left alone when all on my own in the woods
Truly, I have never been further from reality

The world is spinning at a pace unimaginable
I can’t keep up, I only am a spectator
Behind the glass window
Shrinking every minute

The damage is done, I’m ripped apart
Everyone longes for the old, normal Marc
But this my gentle folk
Cannot be done

The actions of people, make me more isolated

Do this, do that
Cheer up, act normal
The world I used to live in, doesn’t fit

The weight of 2 trucks on my shoulder every day
Taking a shower feels like doing a marathon
It’s exhaustive, to exist
Please Lord, tell me what this is

The darkest clouds I ever felt
I don’t see sun, only shadow
I’m followed by a voice
Who knows all my insecurities
And uses them, to isolate me from life

Time seems timeless

Points pointless

Sunshine seems nothing more than a beam
Life feels hollow, void and empty
Purposes are not found and you ask yourself
Who am I? What’s it all worth? Who truly loves me?

Our minds be numb

Time spins faster
It’s then when we let our imaginary forces wrk

We allow the cloud to bring darkness and sorrow to our world

Allowing the clouds to smother up this beauty we have
Making it worse and worse

Only feeling and seeing darkness

This monster, this villain, this arch-nemesis, this unwelcome visitor
Has created itself in me,
I see no hope, but I have hope
It consumes my happy thoughts, like a dementor

There is light, I know that
Only don’t know where, when or how
I’ll just keep buggering on.



Plaats een reactie

  1. november 9, 2016 / 6:13 pm

    Oh Marc! This is truly beautiful! Keep fighting my friend, your doing great!

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