Here I sit again, together with my big, black dog.
Every day I try to to train him, make him obey me
But today, he is dominant.
He controls me.
I’m writing words on a screen and I have no idea, what I’m doing. It’s hard, but if I know one think for sure, it’s the following: Depression has got me tangled. It has got me strangled. I’m a prisoner and it’s very difficult to get away from it all. This December month has proven to be very difficult and my god, I’m stuck and lost. Like U2 once introduced: I’m stuck in a moment and I can’t get out of it.
The thing I always try to do is support people. The reason? I know what it feels to feel the lowest of the low, wishing yourself to be gone and that feeling, is one of the worst I have ever experienced. If I can make dure that other people feel better or I can prevent anything like that happenings to my friends and lovend ones, I will definitely do that.
But this morning, I had a bit of an epiphany. I need support as well, it’s time to be more selfish and listen to me. It’s time for me. It’s time for me to feel supporter and that others support me. Now, I’m not asking for support or anything. But it’s time to think about me once in a whole and maybe put less time in supporting others.
I’m not saying I will stop supporting others, no I will never do that. But I’m in such a bad place right now that I need to consider my own feelings, emotions and actions. I’m feeling worthless, but I’m worth it. I don’t see it yet, but I am.
I realise this is a rather short blogpost and I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense, but I need you to understand. I’m struggling like hell.
Hope you are well,