10 Alternative New Year’s Resolutions

Okay, I know. It’s almost 2018 and I’m writing 2017 New Year’s Resolutions. I’m not sorry, at all. I’m not the person to write Resolutions, let alone try to achieve them. I see so many goals and resolutions, the one more ambitious than the other. It’s not my style, so let’s have a laugh with my alternative resolutions, easy to achieve and all good fun. Right?

1. Call someone a scruffy cunt
I’m not going to lie, but I’m obsessed with British insults and swearing. I believe I heard this particular insult in Trainspotting – FYI 12 days till Trainspotting 2 – and I just want to use it. I never get in the situation that I can call someone a scruffy cunt without people getting mad. So good first resolutions, me thinks.
2. Eat an average of three doughnuts a week
Like my main man Homer Simpson said; In doughnuts we trust. No truer words have ever been spoken. I think we all need more powdered sugar in our diets. Makes us feel human, d’ya know what I mean?
3. Get my Liam Gallagher on
Don’t give a single fuck. Well that isn’t easy, but sometimes I just need to stop being so lovely all the time and stand my ground.  Be confident and cocky, I’m fly as fuck.
4. Bingewatching 2.0
I don’t care what life throws at me. Work, Uni or otherwise. I shall and must bingewatch all the series fam. 
5. Buy more football shirt and scarves
“You already got so much stuff, how about selling some?” – Erm, how about NO? I want to expand my collection this year and I will most definitely not sell anything.
6. Tweet more ridiculous shit
A man said, stuff you tweet must be relevant. I don’t share that view. I’m going to tweet about the weird, quirky things that go round in my head. I’ll make jokes only I can laugh about it. I will reply with stupid comments, because that’s what I do. Embrace it.
7. Lobby for the incarceration of anyone who likes pinapple on pizza
I will definitely get in to debates and discussions about this one. But I don’t care, pizza is life WITHOUT pineapple. Are you mad, bruv? Fruits don’t go on pizza.
8. Say fuck you to everyone who questions why I don’t drink
I’m getting mad. I don’t drink, that’s okay. Stop questioning why I don’t drink. I just don’t fancy it. So everyone who questions it will get the V, for fuck sake.
9.  I will be growing my insta
It’s going to be lit this year. I won’t have a team and I will grow my insta. No other option. I won’t fail.  I don’t care what people say – okay I will, but that is not cool to say
10.  Meet my UK peeps and.. smash all the food
Like yeah, I get it fam. Hugs and love and all that. But most importantly food. I want pizza, pies, meat, Nando’s, Wagamama. The lot. All the food. Share this goodness with y’al
So, what are your bloody awesome alternative goals for 2017?

Plaats een reactie

  1. januari 23, 2017 / 7:47 pm

    Haha I'm glad! Well we can negotiate about that I think Abbey lol. Thank you for commenting, it really means a lot. Especially because I wasn't too certain about this type of blogpost, so thanks buddy!


  2. februari 13, 2017 / 3:40 pm

    Oh my word, this is great! I'm definitely trying not to give a fuck more at the moment, but it'll take time, and I love tweeting random stuff, it's just great to release everything!

    Jemima x

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